The Bumps

Well, I haven't been faithfull to my blogging once a week. For that I apologize.
This journey has been going quite well.
It's getting harder and harder to come up with new things that I can do for myself lately.
I don't think it's a lack of imagination. If you know me, and know me well, you will also know that I have QUITE the imagination.
One of my favorite things that I have done for myself in the past two weeks (maybe 3 but i'm too scared to actually look and see how long it's been since I last blogged...)
I tried HARVEY'S for the first time in my life.
If you have not done so, your life will be changed forever. I promise you this.. It was one of the most fantastic experiences in my mouth. I also went on a random overnight bonfire/camping trip to medicine hat a few weeks ago.. THAT was an adventure and a half let me tell you!!
Some events included: Me getting shot in the back of the head with a firework, sindging (sp?) most of my hair..(so attractive right now).
Someone fell out of a tree.
Me getting tackled, and smoking my head on the ground, only after scraping up my back... *sigh*
yes. Alcohol was involved. This is all you need to know.

I have a job!
Back in December you may remember me blogging about this horrible job I had at a spa.... Yes, well, desperate times call for desperate measures. SO. I called up my old boss, and asked for my job back.
Yes. The same boss that made me cry every single day. That one.
Low and behold, I was re-hired and have been back at it for about 2 weeks.
SO.MUCH.BETTER.
now, it's only a 6 week trial (for both parties), which takes me to august first. Please pray that she decides to keep me around. I am busting my ass everyday to make a good impression, and to make sure that I get asked to stay.
It would be perfect in the long run, because I would only be working 3days a week, and be absolutely financially stable.. (for once in my life!!!)

I officially moved out of my townhouse.
right now, I've been super blessed to have a home be opened to me for this past week and a half, (you know who you are, and I cannot thank you enough).
As of July I will be living with my parental units. (for July and July only). Therefore buying me one more month to find a place to live for me and my gurlies.

So far life as a "single mom" has been super rewarding. I'm still tired and stressed, but about different things, and things that are in MY control. SUCH a huge difference.. Ok.. Enough about that, and time to crunch down to another reason why I haven't been on the blog.

Last week, my mom had a drs. appointment/ CT scan result appointment. (For those of you who don't know this, my mom has been battling cancer on and off for the past 7 years).
Well, it was not a good result. Chemo at this point is only for "quality of life". Whatever that means.
Mom, i'm sorry if you don't want alot of  people knowing this, but if it's any consolation, talking/blogging about it, helps me cope, so please forgive me.

I know that I'm a strong person. When this life change started, I knew I would face hurdles, and valleys that would challenge me to stay strong, and true to my 365 challenge. There has been alot of personal things that have "blown up" so to speak, that, like I have said before, I won't blog about.
but breakups are messy.
It feels like I'm making excuses at this point. I'm not sure why it feels this way. If any person was going through the amount I'm going through, I'm sure the last thing on their mind would be to start a 365 day challenge of giving back to themselves.. I duno.. is that selfish to think that way??
I obviously realize there are people in this world that have gone through tougher times. But.. In facing all of these challenges, sometimes I get so overwhelmed, that I just look in the mirror and laugh. Saying to life "Is that all you got?".
That's a good sign right? I'm not so wrapped up in being strong that I'm going crazy... right?? ........right??...I hope you would tell me...In the nicest way possible.. Please and thank you.
maybe have a shot of goldslagher with you just incase?? I duno.
I think I am rambling at this point.
But that is the jist my faithfull readers. I will try and make the next one a little bit more detailed on my daily activities of what I do for myself.
Sometimes, it's  been as simple as going to bed at 8pm. That was a good day.
Love and honesty,
cass

Wishful Thinking

I have been itching to blog again, and decided it's o.k. to post more often than once a week.

So far, this journey has been amazing!  Now I realize that I am only 5 days into this, but I've been having so much fun!
For example. Yesterday, I couldn't figure out what the heck to do for "me". SO.. I headed to macs, and bought myself a rolo chocolate bar. (my absolute favorite), and ate the whole thing, did not share with anyone :)
not even the kids, despite their many attempts lol.

I have been thinking a lot lately, about wishful thinking. Now, there are many ways one can define wishful thinking.
In most cases, it's how a relationship should be, could be, or isn't. Some cases, it's daydreaming about winning the lottery, having your "dream" life, or meeting your favorite celebrity.


I've come to terms with the fact, that although fun, wishful thinking can be very dangerous.
This may be a really long post by the way..


Relationships:
There are people in this world, that we look at and admire. We see marriages that have lasted 30+ years, and we say: WOW, I want that.
We see couples in the honeymoon stage, and say: "I can't wait to have that."
We start seeing someone, and fantasize about the future, (good and bad), thinking about how happy "we" could be. 
When we CONSTANTLY focus on these things, it is temporarily filling that void in our minds and our hearts.
What I mean is, if you focus on what could have been, what should have been, or even what you want from a new or current relationship, you lose sight of the NOW, and what is currently happening.
Ladies, if we're constantly or even occasionally daydreaming about our dream man, or dream relationship whatever it may be, we get SO caught up in the idea that we either : A) don't recognize the good, and true beauty of a relationship we already have. B) Are unable to reciprocate any efforts by said man, because it's coming across differently as what we had "dreamed". and lastly C) We make ourselves and our hearts unavailable to life!
I'm not saying I'm innocent in this matter. Heck, I'm turning 25 this year, was married for 5 years, have 2 kids, and now I'm starting over.
By any means, my life is nothing like I "dreamed" it would be.
That being said, through my 365 challenge, even though I am only 5 days in, I am starting to recognize HOW BLESSED I actually am.
Yes, I may not have a marriage, my own house, my own car, my dream job, or whatever.
BUT.
I DO have, a healing heart, great friends, lots of love, God, my girls, and the determination to love myself more than I could love ANY man.
That last part may confuse you, but I truly believe, you cannot TRULY love someone to your full potential, and love them selflessly, if you do not love yourself, and RESPECT yourself.

Basically what it comes down to, is if you are focusing too much on what you desire out of life, instead of putting it into action, and ACTUALLY trying to achieve  your dreams, then it is wasted space.
Dreams are only dreams until you put them into action.
Passion and purpose go hand in hand.
Now, I realize I have just spoiled you with two cliche *awh tear* sayings. -Go ahead and borrow them for facebook statuses if you wish-...
But it's true. 
ENJOY your life. Yes you may be facing darkness or heartache, or better yet, falling in love! EMBRACE it, life is too short to focus on specifics, and logistics. 
I wear my heart on my sleeve, it get's dirty often, and I get hurt a lot too. BUT. I've come to a place in my life, where dealing with the heartache, and embracing my life, is 100% ownership on my life and my decisions.
I have so many great people that have left HUGE imprints on my heart. Some have been there for many many years, some have come and gone, and some have took pieces of my heart, and will have them forever. 
My desire is to have that affect on someone. 
Not even the whole "if I die, I want to be remembered"... But there are people in my life, that even when I am not with them, I want to be! Or I miss them constantly, or want to talk to them on the phone, etc etc.
To end this, I will give you another cliche saying:
The best feeling in the world, is knowing that someone is smiling because of YOU.
Make someone smile today.
love and honesty,
cass