what the heck

OK... well ladies and gentlemen, if you are looking for a frustrating situation to read about, go ahead and keep reading!
So some of you may know that I left the previous spa that I was at. There were alot of reasons why I left, but the main thing, was that I was too stressed, and felt I wasn't doing my best there. We weren't allowed lunch breaks. Only if there was a space where we didn't have a client, we could eat. BUT. we had to clean, or do laundry, the list goes on, BEFORE.. So, atleast 80% of the time i worked there, I was booked back to back, and no food in my belly. I asked some of the other girls that worked there how they coped. I got answers like : "You get used to it." "The money is worth it." or, "You need a doctors note to get a lunch break." (the only girl there who got a lunch break, was because she is diabetic.)

So before I left, I had a few options. I was offered a sweet job working with people in whom I respect, admire, and this job would look fantastic on my resume. (I do not want to name the place, as in the next few sentences/paragraph you will see why, and I don't want to do any bashing.)
Regardless of if I got the job 100% or not (it had to be cleared with the "higher ups" before it was officially mine) I had decided I did not want to be at spa A anymore.
I am going to have to side track briefly, but don't worry, it will all sort out... well.. Kind of.
Back in september, I had applied at for a job at the airport (security and baggage screening). I finally got ALL of my clearance and security passes the last week of december. SO. I figured, well, regardless if I leave spa A, get job B, I will have the airport job (Job C). It was all perfect, because i was to start training for the airport on Jan 18th.
Now, back to job B.
SO. I got the good news that the job was mine for sure, and i was SOOOOOO  beyond excited. I called the airport and turned down the job, even though my dream job was half the amount of pay as the airport, it was my dream job, so I didn't care about the money.
The next day.
I get a call.
"sorry, it's not going to happen." is the jist of the conversation.
I am now un-employed.
and back at square one.
*tear*
I am beyond frustrated right now. The ONE time I thought I was well prepared, had all of my bases covered, it was if life just had to prove it could STILL screw me over.
I can't afford to keep doing services from my house, because I don't have enough clients to cover the cost of products etc.
It's super hard to be optimistic right now. This was supposed to be our time. Our time to get out of debt, actually be able to go out to a restaraunt, or buy diapers withought having to worry about if there's enough money in the account.
Some people dream about the day that they are debt free, have their dream car or dream house. Some people dream about the day they have kids. Some dream about their wedding day.
I dream about the day when I run out of potatoes, I can just go buy some. And not have to run to the pen and paper, figure out the budget and see if we can splurge.
This isn't supposed to be a pitty party.
I know some were concerned with some of my previous fb statuses, wondering if I'm ok etc. Yes I'm ok. Im constantly stressed or tired. But I'm ok. I have to be.
I am starting to feel the walls closing in, and I'm running out if ideas as to how to keep them from suffocating me.
I guess keep us in your prayers. A job is a job at this point. I'm heading to the mall tomorrow to drop off resumes. Maybe I'll see ya there :p
I just wonder what the heck God is up to most days. Ya'know?
I KNOW he has everything under control, and this is all part of his plan etc. But is that enough? I feel like I'm missing some huge piece of the puzzle.. maybe this is more than just the "fake it til you make it"...
I'm trying.. Oy.
anywho, like a said. This is just a little peek into my life. Had I known it was going to be THIS hard to find a job, I probably wouldn't have gone back to school..
yay debt