I am sitting here on new years eve, with nothing to do, but blog. It's a sad world we live in. Drinking and clubbing has become the norm.. It's what "we" do. I was there once, I'm not saying it's not fun to get dolled up and go out... But it does get old. ... to me anyways. For those of you who have become more creative, and did something like go to a hockey game, go skating, watched a movie or went to a concert : hats off to you, but screw you for not inviting me! hahahaha just kidding. I'm here with my hubs and my 2 girls. What more could I ask for?
I start school in 4 days. Last time we met together on blogspot, it was 16 days. Time flies hey? Does it feel like 12 days since you were last here?? In some ways it feels like longer... Tis the season for resolutions..
The time of year that gyms make their biggest sales, and cigarette sales plummit for about a day..
I have never really been a big resolution person myself. If you can stick to them, right on.. But from what I have seen, it's not really a "Years" resolution.. But a "January" resolution... Its almost as if the new year ends in January... All of the new gym members slowly find their way back into submission with their tvs and couches.. The nicotine takes over... the donuts somehow make their way back to our mouths and hips..
This year, I have decided that my new years resolution is going to be: To make a resolution.. I don't want to lose weight, (never thought i would say that!)... I don't have a fancy car i want to save up for.. I'm done having babies (for now)... So i think it makes the most sense to try and be a better person? I am terrible for passing judgement on people.. Not in a personal way, but when I see a fatty at McDonalds, or an asian in a car accident, the thoughts are there... whether I voice them or not.. LOL. Ok, i'm sorry. But you were laughing. I know it.
So with school just days away, and butterflies being the new constant in my life, I am going to strive to be a better person. I am going to do SO good in school. I can't wait to start. I've been having a lot of negative energies passed into my direction, but it has become the new fuel to my fire. It sounds bad, but I can't wait to have the "In your face!" moment. I don't think that's a bad thing. .. Anywho, i ordered a pizza... spicy mexican... the kind that burns twice (if you know what i mean).. So I'm going to go eat it.
Happy New Year to all, and Happy Resolution making,... if thats your thing :)
Friday, December 31, 2010
Saturday, December 18, 2010
anticipation
ok, so I start school in T minus 16 days.. My mind is constantly being filled with exciting thoughts, negativity, hesitation..
I'm getting so excited/nervous. Not in a "going on a huge ass rollercoaster for the first time" nervous... But the 9th grade crush nervous. You know, the boy you've liked for which seems like forever, but in reality it has been only mere weeks. Thinking about talking to him makes you blush, you daydream about him, try writing your name with his last name... Pure bliss.. And then, as you're emptying all of the useless textbooks into your locker, your eyes connect. Suddenly it feels like your stomach is going to fall out of your butt. Your heart skips a beat, you can feel your face turning another shade of red..
Ok, so maybe I got a little bit carried away with the analogies, but hey. what can I say? It's almost midnight, so I am taking advantage of what may be one of my last "late night" writing extravaganzas.. sure it makes for some cheesey writing, but I know you love me anyways. :)
By the way, I went grocery shopping today at Safeway for the first time in like 5yrs... and all I have to say, is never again! I could go into detail about how little I bought for 75$...But I think I'm guna pull lazy on that one. Ah well, go Wal-Mart!
I'm getting so excited/nervous. Not in a "going on a huge ass rollercoaster for the first time" nervous... But the 9th grade crush nervous. You know, the boy you've liked for which seems like forever, but in reality it has been only mere weeks. Thinking about talking to him makes you blush, you daydream about him, try writing your name with his last name... Pure bliss.. And then, as you're emptying all of the useless textbooks into your locker, your eyes connect. Suddenly it feels like your stomach is going to fall out of your butt. Your heart skips a beat, you can feel your face turning another shade of red..
Ok, so maybe I got a little bit carried away with the analogies, but hey. what can I say? It's almost midnight, so I am taking advantage of what may be one of my last "late night" writing extravaganzas.. sure it makes for some cheesey writing, but I know you love me anyways. :)
By the way, I went grocery shopping today at Safeway for the first time in like 5yrs... and all I have to say, is never again! I could go into detail about how little I bought for 75$...But I think I'm guna pull lazy on that one. Ah well, go Wal-Mart!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
forget to forgive
I apologize to my faithful readers who may be wondering what the heck has taken me so long to write a new post.
Since I really don't have too much of the "crazy life" stuff to write about yet, I have basically been pondering more of the deeper issues, and thought I would share them with you.
Is it possible to "forgive and forget?" If I am being honest, I am going to say no.. If you have been able to forgive someone who has truly and deeply hurt you, and have been able to let go of that, and forgive them... cudos to you.
I'm not just talking about the asshole who cuts you off in traffic, or someone calling you fat in elementary school. I'm talking about the "makes your heart ache so bad, sobbing so hard you can't catch your breath, deep down ugly hurt". If you have never experienced this type of hurt, you truly are blessed, and I pray that you never have to experience it!
I think that forgiving someone is the hardest yet selfless thing to do. I don't really want to share too much of my history on here, as I am still in my "safe" blogging zone.(give me time) But, I have been ugly hurt before, and trust me, the forgiving is an everyday thing. I really don't benefit from forgiving this person. Maybe in the long run it might add a year to my life, but some days, I am seriously ok with hating this person.
Everytime I have to re-face this point in my life, I get filled with anger and a wave of emotions that cannot be described. But what also happens, is I hear God telling me: "just let it go" "forgive them"... I don't want to.. Which makes me wonder, have I ever hurt God soooo badly that he DIDN'T want to forgive me?? I know that because I am a Christian, all of my sins are forgiven, but that doesn't necessarily mean that God WANTS to forgive me all of the time does it?? *please note, I'm just exploring some thoughts.*
If I want God to forgive me, then I should atleast try to forgive people that have hurt me or even just pissed me off right?
I think we get so caught up in being bitter. TV, movies and magazines all tell us that turmoil in our lives is to be glorified, magnified, twisted, and become some sort of icon.. Almost like, if there's nothing wrong in our lives, or we're not mad at someone, we start to pick apart the things that are perfectly normal....
I don't know if this is really making any sense. I just thought that I would attempt to encourage someone by saying, y'know, next time you are reminded of an ugly hurt, or even just a bad moment in history..Instead of complaining to somebody about it, or journaling, or supressing it.. Try handing it to God (believer or non), or even just telling yourself: "I forgive them, I forgive them, I forgive them, I forgive them.... even if it takes 3days, 3years, or 30 years..
xo
Since I really don't have too much of the "crazy life" stuff to write about yet, I have basically been pondering more of the deeper issues, and thought I would share them with you.
Is it possible to "forgive and forget?" If I am being honest, I am going to say no.. If you have been able to forgive someone who has truly and deeply hurt you, and have been able to let go of that, and forgive them... cudos to you.
I'm not just talking about the asshole who cuts you off in traffic, or someone calling you fat in elementary school. I'm talking about the "makes your heart ache so bad, sobbing so hard you can't catch your breath, deep down ugly hurt". If you have never experienced this type of hurt, you truly are blessed, and I pray that you never have to experience it!
I think that forgiving someone is the hardest yet selfless thing to do. I don't really want to share too much of my history on here, as I am still in my "safe" blogging zone.(give me time) But, I have been ugly hurt before, and trust me, the forgiving is an everyday thing. I really don't benefit from forgiving this person. Maybe in the long run it might add a year to my life, but some days, I am seriously ok with hating this person.
Everytime I have to re-face this point in my life, I get filled with anger and a wave of emotions that cannot be described. But what also happens, is I hear God telling me: "just let it go" "forgive them"... I don't want to.. Which makes me wonder, have I ever hurt God soooo badly that he DIDN'T want to forgive me?? I know that because I am a Christian, all of my sins are forgiven, but that doesn't necessarily mean that God WANTS to forgive me all of the time does it?? *please note, I'm just exploring some thoughts.*
If I want God to forgive me, then I should atleast try to forgive people that have hurt me or even just pissed me off right?
I think we get so caught up in being bitter. TV, movies and magazines all tell us that turmoil in our lives is to be glorified, magnified, twisted, and become some sort of icon.. Almost like, if there's nothing wrong in our lives, or we're not mad at someone, we start to pick apart the things that are perfectly normal....
I don't know if this is really making any sense. I just thought that I would attempt to encourage someone by saying, y'know, next time you are reminded of an ugly hurt, or even just a bad moment in history..Instead of complaining to somebody about it, or journaling, or supressing it.. Try handing it to God (believer or non), or even just telling yourself: "I forgive them, I forgive them, I forgive them, I forgive them.... even if it takes 3days, 3years, or 30 years..
xo
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Break me off a piece of that .....
So today, I received a huge blessing. My husband howie took the girls to the mall to do Christmas shopping, so I could have some time to myself, and do whatever.. I ended up going to the mall with my friend Katrina and her little girl. It was so much fun. I must say that it made me miss my girls though... It's frustrating, it's like, when I NEED that break, I never get a break. Don't get me wrong, I loooove my breaks, and I don't want it to sound like I take them for granted.. BUT, Howie informed me that the girls were sooo well behaved, they listened and were happy... I have to add they were gone for 7 hrs..
Literally 5 min after they get home, there's screaming, crying, fighting, and my 7hrs of bliss just returned to tense, and being frustrated.
I know the whole story of "kids usually misbehave more to the dominant parent" (so me...) but seriously??
I'm glad that they're good for howie, and i know that his day is probably going to happen soon, since he will be watching them every morning 4days a week.. I just don't want to turn into the mom that comes home from school, feeds the kids, and then shoos them to bed so i can have "me" time.... that's not fair... I'm praying for patience and strength.
signing off...
xo
Literally 5 min after they get home, there's screaming, crying, fighting, and my 7hrs of bliss just returned to tense, and being frustrated.
I know the whole story of "kids usually misbehave more to the dominant parent" (so me...) but seriously??
I'm glad that they're good for howie, and i know that his day is probably going to happen soon, since he will be watching them every morning 4days a week.. I just don't want to turn into the mom that comes home from school, feeds the kids, and then shoos them to bed so i can have "me" time.... that's not fair... I'm praying for patience and strength.
signing off...
xo
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Christians: Two faced by default??
Ok, I want to start off by saying that in this blog, I am more or less just exploring my own thoughts, questions and ideas on this topic. Everything written isn't necessarily my exact view on everything. Just so we're clear :)
As a Christian, we are called to be Christ like. What does that look like? Is it to attempt to live a flawless life?? Or is it coming to the realization that others truly are more important than ourselves, and to forfeit any hatred, frustration or judgement and show love? Im definitely voting on the second right now.
Obviously we're always going to meet/know people that rub us the wrong way.. But we're called to love them just the same. I'm not saying make a list of all of your enemies and invite them all out for coffee, but at the same time, maybe truly examine your reasons of why you don't like a person.
I know there are people that don't like me, and in some cases, I know why they don't haha. But for the most part, I don't really care, or need to know, or brown-nose my way into acceptance. I used to be like that in elementary school, highschool, and even up to a few years ago.
Back to my main question: Are Christians two faced by default? If we're showing love to people we don't like, is that being "fake"? Is there a line between the two?
To me, two faced is pretending to like someone, ex: the person you go for coffee with once a week, or less, but afterwards, all you can do is complain and diss everything about their being.
There are people that I don't care for, and I am probably not going to ask them out to dinner, or a coffee date, because that's setting myself up to be two faced. BUT, if someone that rubs me the wrong way asked me out to coffee, and were serious, I most likely would go. I hope this is making sense. I have just been thinking about this for a while, and had to get it out there. Feel free to comment your ideas, or if ur my friend on FB just send me a line and let me know :)
As a Christian, we are called to be Christ like. What does that look like? Is it to attempt to live a flawless life?? Or is it coming to the realization that others truly are more important than ourselves, and to forfeit any hatred, frustration or judgement and show love? Im definitely voting on the second right now.
Obviously we're always going to meet/know people that rub us the wrong way.. But we're called to love them just the same. I'm not saying make a list of all of your enemies and invite them all out for coffee, but at the same time, maybe truly examine your reasons of why you don't like a person.
I know there are people that don't like me, and in some cases, I know why they don't haha. But for the most part, I don't really care, or need to know, or brown-nose my way into acceptance. I used to be like that in elementary school, highschool, and even up to a few years ago.
Back to my main question: Are Christians two faced by default? If we're showing love to people we don't like, is that being "fake"? Is there a line between the two?
To me, two faced is pretending to like someone, ex: the person you go for coffee with once a week, or less, but afterwards, all you can do is complain and diss everything about their being.
There are people that I don't care for, and I am probably not going to ask them out to dinner, or a coffee date, because that's setting myself up to be two faced. BUT, if someone that rubs me the wrong way asked me out to coffee, and were serious, I most likely would go. I hope this is making sense. I have just been thinking about this for a while, and had to get it out there. Feel free to comment your ideas, or if ur my friend on FB just send me a line and let me know :)
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