Hello, hello, hello and HELLO! Wow i am really slacking on the whole blog front. I apologize!! I hope everyone had a fabulous easter weekend. I know I did. If you are a Christian, and celebrate and appreciate easter for the true meaning, it's hard to have a "bad" easter.
I've been thinking alot about grace lately.. I've been struggling with accepting God's grace. When is it acceptance, and when is it taken advantage of? Does that make sense? Of course I realize that it's all in a person's attitude, and how they live, but is it possibly for that ungratefulness to just sneak up on someone?
When someone screws us over, it's SO common to just write that person off. "NO, you hurt me, my guard is up, you're on my black list". If someone steals from us, we're going to lock up our stuff everytime they're around us. Even if we don't physically lock it up, we still have that psychological guard up.. If a husband/wife cheats on their spouse, even if the issue is worked through, there's always going to be that trust issue.. I'm not saying that they can never trust their spouse again, but it's a different trust. Now maybe I'm describing more of trust issues, but trust and grace go hand in hand.
I know I am guilty of saying those empty promises to God. "If you can just heal me, I promise to read my bible more" or " I'm going to try and be a better person for your glory"... And then I go to bed, wake up, and even though I know I've said that to God, it's like there's a switch that turns off.. "what? i didn't say that.. Oh well that only counts for yesterday."
Countless times I have experienced God's grace and for some reason, those are the moments that I don't share with people. It's as almost as if I am embarrassed to own up to my own mistakes. As long as it stays between me and God, it didn't happen. I'm sorry to be rambling on about my random internal struggles. I guess it helps to think out loud.
God knows the line between grace and forgiveness, and turning into a pushover. I don't.. I hear it time and time again. "You're too nice" "Stop giving them chances" "They're just going to keep screwing you over if you don't get a backbone".. I don't want to be a rude person. I want to be a forgiving person. I hate hurting people, and maybe I live this way out of hope that if I ever truly hurt someone, then they will find it in their hearts to forgive me too... Ugh, when did forgiveness and love become so conditional??
something to think about I guess...
As for school, i rocked my midterm. (which i thought i failed).... 92%... Lowest mark yet, but I suppose I will live. I'm on my way to being the best esthetician ever... (no offense to any classmates reading this, it's just a personal goal i have set)
Only 8 weeks left... It seems so close, yet so far away.
well, here's hoping you hear from me soon. xo
cass
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