Father's Day

Tomorrow is a very special day. Macaroni cards are being made almost everywhere, paint hand prints, small poems and sticker pictures. Barbecues will be fired up and golf courses full.

Electronic and tool sales are comparable to Christmas at this time of year and you guessed it, it's Father's Day.

I am lucky enough to have a Father I can honor tomorrow. I can buy him a card, some whiskey and take him to lunch. I could clean his truck, mow his lawn and do a million other things to show how thankful I am for having him in my life. 

You see, my dad is a very special man. He is what you may call the "rare breed." I've seen this man in love twice, treating both women with the utmost respect and love. Not only was he actively involved in my life, (dance competitions, science fairs, snow forts and teaching me how to drive) he also shaped a large part of who I am today. I am extremely blessed and honored to celebrate him tomorrow, although this is not the main focus on today's post.

I know there is a lot of buzz around this time of year on who should get the credit on Father's Day.

I felt it extremely necessary to post this before tomorrow and please know I have no intentions of upsetting or offending anyone, this is just my opinion and how this day plays a part in my life.

Dear family, friends, coworkers and strangers.

Please do not wish me a happy Father's Day. Yes, I am a single mom. I carry a lot of weight on my shoulders during this phase of my life, but I can never ever be their dad.

Once upon a time, their dad was actively involved in their lives. Even after we separated, he was at every school play and every Halloween he took them trick-or-treating. Every weekend he would pick them up and they would spend every weekend with their dad. 

One day, all of that changed.

I cannot and will not go into detail on why, when or how, but from the girls having their dad heavily involved in their life, to talking to him twice last year and seeing him 4 times since Christmas 2015, to say it has changed their lives dramatically would be an understatement.

I understand the sentiment that comes along with wanting to wish me or any other single mom a Happy Father's Day, I really do.

No matter how badly I want to fix things for them, I will never be their dad. Even though I'm the only parent to wipe away tears and put on band-aids, I will never be their dad.

I work full time, I cook the meals and take them to school. Still not their dad. Taking them to and from swimming, to and from vacations, to and from doctors and dentists, I am still not their dad.

Yes, I don't have his support. Yes, you can argue I do the work of two parents but guess what? I am still not their dad.

Please know, this is for me and where I stand, this point of view does not apply to every single mom or to any woman who is also carrying a heavy load. There are many men and step fathers that fill these roles when the biological cannot. THESE MEN, need to be celebrated. These men are stepping out and stepping up to love a child that is not biologically a part of them.

I don't need to be celebrated tomorrow. Some may argue that the biological father to my girls isn't the actual definition of a father and doesn't deserve to be celebrated. Although I might agree with you on occasion, I have two daughters that will disagree. Despite everything that they have been through, my house is covered in hope in the form of cards. Pictures, poems, stories and letters, and do you know what? Not one of those cards is addressed to me. 

It's such a crazy thing to me how children really do know how to love unconditionally. They don't care if he hasn't called in 3 months, 6 months or a year but when that phone rings, its' like nothing has changed. It blows my mind that my 7 year old is sick with a bad cold, but shes up sniffling and singing away as she draws him picture number 36 in hopes she will see him tomorrow.

There are many things I do for my children, many of them alone. I will continue the same way and continue to be the best MOM I can be. 

I know this is a strange stand point but I'm hoping there are a few more women or men out there that agree with the basic ideology of what I'm saying.

Whether or not we do or do not have a man worthy of celebrating on Father's Day, does not mean that we as women and single moms get to fill their places. I feel the exact same way about single dads on Mother's Day, it's a two way street.

I will say that if you feel compelled to celebrate any woman tomorrow on Father's Day, support her year round instead of tomorrow. Give her a night of free babysitting, bring her freezer meals, offer to take the kids for an afternoon so she can nap, there are so many other ways to bless other women like myself without taking away from a day that men like my DAD need to be celebrated.

Love and Honesty

Cass