It repulses me.
Yet, I am also in the same trap as millions, hundreds, thousands.
I am not 100% sure on statistics, I can admit I am making this up based on an emotional assumption.
Body shaming. Bullying. Cancer. Dating. Technology.
Where to begin??
My heart is heavy.
I have been single now for 7 months. (For those of you who know me, this is a HUGE deal)
Feminism is all the rage right now, that men are no longer in control of anything.
Bear with me please.
What happened to the idea of a man pursuing a woman?
No, I am not talking about sending her a message on tinder, that would qualify to be part of a pornographic script.
I am extremely discouraged by the selection of "men" these days.
Don't get me wrong, I am sure that buried beneath addictions to porn and emotional bankruptcy, they are all decent human beings.
I read an article not too long ago, and the summary was explaining how back in the day, men would go work out in the field for 12 hour days, not to be heard from until they come home. Their wife would be at home, doing house stuff, taking care of kids or whatever her duties were, and they would reunite their days after said 12 hours.
She didn't interrogate him on if he was talking to other females. She didn't snoop through his tractor in hopes of finding the "12 signs he's cheating on you"
Respect. Love.
The foundation of a relationship.
Technology is at our fingertips. Dating is at our fingertips. No longer, do you have to be out in socially awkward situations, and have a personality to intrigue the male species.
Now there is Lo-Fi filters, and dating apps where you showcase your assets, and can receive derogatory messages, in hopes of getting your weekly sexual satisfaction.
I want to go rollerskating.
I want to meet new people.
If a man is interested in me, I want him to send me flowers, or cute notes or something lame from the notebook.
Unfortunately through the wormhole of relationship evolution, if a guy does "nice" or "romantic" things for you, he is to be rewarded. Sexually.
I'm sorry you spent 15$ on that box of chocolates. I thought you had character and picked up on the fact that I have some soft spots, and enjoyed my sweets.
Where in that situation did we go from chocolates to 3rd base?...
I was talking with one of my best friends not long ago, and we went over the topic of how sleeping around isn't cool, but you don't want to have sex with the people you care about, because it will ruin your relationship.
Um. What. The. Fuck.
Now we have sex with people we don't really care about, so we don't get hurt, or have to put in any relational efforts whatsoever.
Now, I'm not saying that everyone should jump on the "waiting until marriage" bandwagon. I get it. We're human, and some may argue that it is part of our natural being to have these urges.
I'm sorry this is starting to sound like grade 9 health class all over again, but hang on, I'm hoping to make sense of this as well.
Dating is backwards nowadays. We have sex first and if the sex is good, we continue on and go on a date with this person.
We are essentially living in a world of immobility.
To break this cycle seems next to impossible, so we continue to go along with it. It is damaging all of us.
We have guys that are laying in their beds with their pants around their ankles, watching porn all day, waiting for someone to send them a message, to momentarily connect them to the outside world. Essentially a fantasy world.
We have women who are half naked, and starving themselves to be "liked" or, on a more distorted sense, Loved.
Yes, we live in a world where Love has become extremely distorted.
The word love, is used to gain sex. Likes on social media make us feel loved.
If we spend countless hours in the gym, working on our fitness, maybe we will make the cover of People magazine, and be gratified for our progress.
These are obviously extreme situations, but you get my point thus far.
Maybe if we have the raciest comment, we will get the most feedback.
How funny can we make this super uncomfortable situation seem?
We have countless marriages falling apart at the seams.
Relationships are over before they even start, because no one wants to be satisfied.
"Cass, that is ridiculous, who wouldn't want to be satisfied?"
I think this is the problem:
No one.
Bigger and better.
Being satisfied means it's over.
No more hunting.
No more ego boosts from Tinder/POF/Match or insert social media or dating app here.
No reason to get all dolled up and let your boobs hang out, and hashtag the crap out of it.
No need to complain.
You see, being satisfied is actually a scary thing.
What will I do when I've found the "one" that I am happy with?
Well for starters, you will be happy.
I regret to inform you that I have given up hope.
I would like to know, there is a decent (single) man, who is willing to pursue me. No, not chase, pursue.
Chasing= flirty text messages, the need for constant interaction, sexual gratification, emotional satisfaction.
Pursue= Patience. Respect. Persistence (obviously not to the restraining level point)
I don't know.
It's horrifying that as a single woman in her late 20's, I'm faced with either getting to know someone well enough to have sex with them, or as the new slang: "a new toy to play with"
Or.
Stay single.
I don't think I could ever let myself be a part of this "dating" world.
Until I crash into someone (literally because I'm socially awkward and ridiculously clumsy), and they strike up a conversation, I may have to opt out.
I don't want sexting.
I don't want nude pictures. (have you actually seen a penis? come on, because THAT is what I want to see in my inbox at 2 in the afternoon?)
I don't want to feel obligated to kiss someone because they bought me dinner, or feel that because we had a decent conversation, we need to sustain some sort of mediocre "relationship" until sex is justifiable and we can go our separate ways.
Please please please tell me that chivalry is not dead.
Hopeful romantics still exist right?
Someone out there, is willing to leave a bottle of wine and a box of chocolates on my front step, with no expectations of me sleeping with them because "they did good right?"
I don't know what is going on with the world anymore!
I smiled at some random guy the other day, and said hello.. He replied with "I'm married."
Cool.
Because being friendly OBVIOUSLY means we must hop in the back of my Chevrolet Aveo and make nasty?
I don't really know where this is going.
I am not a philosopher.
I am not a doctor, or psychologist.
I am just frustrated.
How do we change this?
I don't want my girls to have this future.
Hell, it will probably be worse in 10 years.
Love and Honesty
