such is life

I will warn you, this one is going to be heavy.

I SERIOUSLY wish that my BIGGEST problems right now, were about kristen stewart and her lack of acting skills, and her awesome hoe-bag skills.
I wish I had enough extra energy, to give a shit about tom cruise, and katy what's her nuts.

I remember when I bought OK magazine as a "relaxing" thing.

This is real life. This is my life.

I was at the old place, packing up all of my stuff, sorting through years of history, deciding what I wanted to take with me.
Which of these useless items, must I NOT live without.

My mom had a super rough day today. It was supposed to be her 3rd round of chemo, but she was in so much pain, they didn't proceed.
She's been admitted to the hospital, and is on morphine now.. Which isn't doing anything for her, other than making her tired.

I'm now in the world of, every time I go see my mom in the hospital, or sit with her through chemo, or kiss her good bye, it could be the last time.

Where is my faith you may ask??
I don't really know.
Trusting God, doesn't take away the fear that my mom my pass away.
In a way, that would technically be one way God could heal her. That thought terrifies me.

I move in less than a week. 
I have about another 5hrs of packing/sorting through 6 years of collected crap, figuring out what is mine, and his etc.
 Please don't take this as complaining.
The purpose of this blog, is to sort out my thoughts, fill you in on my 365 journey, encourage people, and also a lifeline for myself, when I need encouragement.

I have literally been FORCING myself to stick with this challenge. My goodness.. The LAST thing on my mind, is doing something for myself, while worrying about everything else.
But I have to do it. 
You may say: "no no, it's totally understandable if you take a break right now and get back on track later."
Of course it's understandable. YES I deserve a break from this. YES this is hard. BUT it is NOT an excuse to give up.
Today for myself...
I went and saw my mom in the hospital.
I debated and debated for longer than most people should I think.
God forbid anything happened in such short notice, I would forever regret the night I chose NOT to go see her. 
I want to live my life regret free.
This is nearly impossible for anyone. But apparently, i have a knack for taking on ridiculous challenges. Right?

I entered into the AMP radio contest to win 10,000... But we all know that money is going to some guy going through a sex change, and wants boobs. OR someone who "really wants to buy a chanel purse, and buy that purse in NYC".
I just want to pay off my credit cards, student loans, put some in savings and give the rest to my parents, who have done nothing but been the best parents ever.

Ah well.

Such is life.

Love and honesty,
cass

Yikesabee

Virtual high five to all of my lady readers who understand the "win a date with Tad Hamilton" reference. That's what's up.

OK. 
DONAIR.
Most delicious and wonderful food experience of my life. We can all thank Matt for taking me for my first donair experience.
*virtual round of applause*
Now, I can expect that some of you may be shocked that as a 24yr old (almost 25!!) woman, I have never tried donair.
It is a true story, and after experiencing such delight, I am saddened that my taste buds had to wait this long. *I am so sorry!*
It was like, every flavor that is good, all in one big bite.
are you hungry now?
Bring me donair! ... And possibly air freshener.. It's delicious.. But... OK, i will end there. (pun intended)

This 365 thing...
I'm liking it.
My biggest fear, was gaining a whole bunch of weight, and going back to 215lbs... Due to all of this food I apparently was deprived from my whole life.
BUT.
I am happy to say, that I have actually LOST 15lbs!
what the heck hey?
LADIES.
I SWEAR, the only thing that I have done differently, is started eating white pasta, randomly throughout the week, at 3am.
It's great... Kind of.


TODAY, for myself... 
I shaved my legs.
Yes, we can all laugh now. And I am not saying that I regularly don't shave my legs... 
I do, but we all know how it goes.. a quick 1,2,3 on this leg, and SWITCH.
But today, (now this feels kind of weird describing to I don't know how many readers, my grooming process) I filled the sink, and busted out the *dun dun dun* shaving cream.
I don't think I have actually used shaving cream on my legs since I was maybe 14... 
It's always whatever is in the shower, and smells good.
My legs are so soft!!! and they still smell like green apples!! Ok, so now that we all know my hair color, and that I still have 13yr old girl moments...


I applied for a 3bed townhouse today!! I should hear back by friday (at the latest they say).
Please, please, please!!!! Say a prayer, smudge, do a happy dance, send out good energy, burn incense, smoke a goat or grow a chia pet, that I get this place!!
I've applied for 4, looked at over a dozen....
I'm getting really tired of window shopping! I just want to stop living out of my freaking suitcase!


OK, so I have mentioned it before, but I really am starting to need more ideas on other fun things I can do on this challenge.
i NEED to find a second job, so I can have a NYC fund up and running soon.
I wonder if I wrote to the wonderful Ellen Degeneress, and creeped her out with my life story, and goals etc, if she would send me to NYC... possibly an OT meet and greet?? HAHA. 
(for new readers.... I am a dedicated olsen twins fan..I will stop there.)
Never say never right? 
I'm going to BC in August. Only for 2-3days.. BUT. It will be my first time to BC!! (Mom, 3yrs old doesn't count)
I am going to need a sky diving buddy.
I am going to need someone who has access to a jet ski and or boat. I would like to try wake boarding this summer.
I need a fabulous tattoo artist.. with an even more fabulous pricing thing...going on... my wallet is small.
Oh. And I need a bed.
But that's only because I don't really want to be sleeping on an air mattress for very long.. I will do it, and I will do it with the least amount of complaining possible. (I will try at least) 
SO. If you, or anyone you know has a bed (I obviously need something bigger than a toddler bed.)
and they're getting rid of it, or selling it for dirt cheap. (I'm talking no more than like 50bux)
hit me up.
I don't need the whole fancy shmancy set, or even a frame. Just a matress. and possibly a box spring.
Too much?? Did I ramble a little too much there? 
Shall I post my grocery list too.... 
Just. Kidding.

Well, it's almost my bedtime. I thought we were all in need of a "light" read for once. I apologize for the immense amount of random "ditz".
you love me anyways.
Love and Honesty,
Cass