forget to forgive

I apologize to my faithful readers who may be wondering what the heck has taken me so long to write a new post.
Since I really don't have too much of the "crazy life" stuff to write about yet, I have basically been pondering more of the deeper issues, and thought I would share them with you.
Is it possible to "forgive and forget?" If I am being honest, I am going to say no.. If you have been able to forgive someone who has truly and deeply hurt you, and have been able to let go of that, and forgive them... cudos to you.
I'm not just talking about the asshole who cuts you off in traffic, or someone calling you fat in elementary school. I'm talking about the "makes your heart ache so bad, sobbing so hard you can't catch your breath, deep down ugly hurt". If you have never experienced this type of hurt, you truly are blessed, and I pray that you never have to experience it!
I think that forgiving someone is the hardest yet selfless thing to do. I don't really want to share too much of my history on here, as I am still in my "safe" blogging zone.(give me time) But, I have been ugly hurt before, and trust me, the forgiving is an everyday thing. I really don't benefit from forgiving this person. Maybe in the long run it might add a year to my life, but some days, I am seriously ok with hating this person.
Everytime I have to re-face this point in my life, I get filled with anger and a wave of emotions that cannot be described. But what also happens, is I hear God telling me: "just let it go" "forgive them"... I don't want to.. Which makes me wonder, have I ever hurt God soooo badly that he DIDN'T want to forgive me?? I know that because I am a Christian, all of my sins are forgiven, but that doesn't necessarily mean that God WANTS to forgive me all of the time does it?? *please note, I'm just exploring some thoughts.*
If I want God to forgive me, then I should atleast try to forgive people that have hurt me or even just pissed me off right?
I think we get so caught up in being bitter. TV, movies and magazines all tell us that turmoil in our lives is to be glorified, magnified, twisted, and become some sort of icon.. Almost like, if there's nothing wrong in our lives, or we're not mad at someone, we start to pick apart the things that are perfectly normal....
I don't know if this is really making any sense. I just thought that I would attempt to encourage someone by saying, y'know, next time you are reminded of an ugly hurt, or even just a bad moment in history..Instead of complaining to somebody about it, or journaling, or supressing it.. Try handing it to God (believer or non), or even just telling yourself: "I forgive them, I forgive them, I forgive them, I forgive them.... even if it takes 3days, 3years, or 30 years..
xo