such is life

I will warn you, this one is going to be heavy.

I SERIOUSLY wish that my BIGGEST problems right now, were about kristen stewart and her lack of acting skills, and her awesome hoe-bag skills.
I wish I had enough extra energy, to give a shit about tom cruise, and katy what's her nuts.

I remember when I bought OK magazine as a "relaxing" thing.

This is real life. This is my life.

I was at the old place, packing up all of my stuff, sorting through years of history, deciding what I wanted to take with me.
Which of these useless items, must I NOT live without.

My mom had a super rough day today. It was supposed to be her 3rd round of chemo, but she was in so much pain, they didn't proceed.
She's been admitted to the hospital, and is on morphine now.. Which isn't doing anything for her, other than making her tired.

I'm now in the world of, every time I go see my mom in the hospital, or sit with her through chemo, or kiss her good bye, it could be the last time.

Where is my faith you may ask??
I don't really know.
Trusting God, doesn't take away the fear that my mom my pass away.
In a way, that would technically be one way God could heal her. That thought terrifies me.

I move in less than a week. 
I have about another 5hrs of packing/sorting through 6 years of collected crap, figuring out what is mine, and his etc.
 Please don't take this as complaining.
The purpose of this blog, is to sort out my thoughts, fill you in on my 365 journey, encourage people, and also a lifeline for myself, when I need encouragement.

I have literally been FORCING myself to stick with this challenge. My goodness.. The LAST thing on my mind, is doing something for myself, while worrying about everything else.
But I have to do it. 
You may say: "no no, it's totally understandable if you take a break right now and get back on track later."
Of course it's understandable. YES I deserve a break from this. YES this is hard. BUT it is NOT an excuse to give up.
Today for myself...
I went and saw my mom in the hospital.
I debated and debated for longer than most people should I think.
God forbid anything happened in such short notice, I would forever regret the night I chose NOT to go see her. 
I want to live my life regret free.
This is nearly impossible for anyone. But apparently, i have a knack for taking on ridiculous challenges. Right?

I entered into the AMP radio contest to win 10,000... But we all know that money is going to some guy going through a sex change, and wants boobs. OR someone who "really wants to buy a chanel purse, and buy that purse in NYC".
I just want to pay off my credit cards, student loans, put some in savings and give the rest to my parents, who have done nothing but been the best parents ever.

Ah well.

Such is life.

Love and honesty,
cass