tough decisions.

I'm at this point in my life where I don't really care anymore. About a lot of things. 
Sad?
not really.
I'm done trying to make these people in my life happy, when they would never even consider doing the same for me.
I'm emotionally exhausted.
I haven't been blogging, because half of the stuff going on in my life right now is not blog appropriate. 
Mostly because gossip can be a real killer. I could spell it out plain and simple in this blog post, and it would still get twisted.
I'm SO tired of fake people. It seems as though I cannot avoid them... It's like they know where I live or something.
My heart hurts a lot lately. I have so many thoughts, so many conflicts, so much pain and no where to focus that.
I'm tired of these half assed relationships in my life. I'm basically just TIRED.
Last night, I had a bonding moment with one of my girlfriends. (you know who you are, xo)
Even though there was a jumbo bottle of wine involved in my mental breakdown, and the initiation of our heart to heart, for the first time in a REALLY long time, I feel like someone heard me.
She could actually see my pain.. My heart aches thinking about it. Some things were said that some of the people in my life that I trust the most, don't even know.
I'm incredibly vulnerable right now, taking that leap to trust someone new. Ugh. Is any of this translating?!
I sit here, clack, clack clacking on the keyboard. For all you know I have a big smile on my face, and am watching a comedy.
But I'm not. 
Is there anybody out there?? hello??
im a mess.
honesty can be a real killer.
especially when you're honest with yourself. 
It's the reflection in the mirror that you never want to see staring back at you. 
I long to be somewhere warm and secluded.
so no one can see me cry.
my worst fear. 
I'm stronger than this... 
right?